So far this blog has been a lot about hopes and dreams, let’s make it about desillusions as well. Today I noticed a patient in the waiting room with a confirmed pneumothorax. Pneumothorax equals chest tube equals procedure I still need to do. So I stayed extra long and forgot all about dinner and guess what? I did not get to do the procedure! The surgical resident stole it from right under my nose!
I hate surgeons. Sure, they have the ability to save lives with their hands. Except that while saving those lives they completely forget about co-existing other people such as patients, relatives and for instance other doctors. They are rude, careless, reckless and very, very arrogant. If you think surgeons are anything like McDreamy I suggest you keep on dreaming.
Of course, as always, it was my own fault. I was not assertive enough. I let myself being cornered and became invisible. I blent in with the furniture. I was there like a gurney is there just because it is. I get so tired of things always being my fault. When I miss child abuse in a young patient, it is my fault. Never mind that it was the parents that actually hit the poor thing. When a patient dies despite of my care, it is my fault. Never mind that death is something that happens because I failed to prevent it which is quite different from deliberately inflicting it on someone.
So anyway, I need to toughen up. I need to toughen up big time. To be the best in Emergency Medicine it is not going to help to sob out loud all the way from hospital to home.
But it sure felt good.
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